Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Application Letter Critique!!

Dear fellow classmates , attached below is my application letter. The job vacancy notice can be found at this url : http://www.stjobs.sg/admin-executive-market-research-statistic-collection-data-analysis-management-job/view-job/939605. Have a good read and look forward to your comments.

Ang Kok Liang Jack
XXXXX Ave 10
Singapore XXXXXX

Eunice Low
Achieve Group
41 Market Street
#13-00 International Factors Building
Singapore 048944

16th February 2013

Dear Ms Low,

Admin Executive - Market Research, Statistic Collection, Data Analysis Management

I am enclosing my resume in response to your advertisement for the above job vacancy which appeared on STJOBS website on 15th February 2013.

I am currently an undergraduate in the National University of Singapore, pursuing a degree in Bachelor of Science, majoring in statistics, and is expected to graduate in May 2014. My multidisciplinary major equips me with a wide academic base in statistics, mathematics, actuarial science and computer programming. To value add to that, I have taken a great variety of electives such as French and professional communication which enable me to express myself confidently in a professional environment.

I believe that my experience in the outdoor sector have enhanced my ability of dealing with people and stress. I have coordinated a level cohort camp of 400 people which comprised of dealing with both students and teachers. This enhanced my skills of establishing good working relationship and rapport with people. Thus meeting new people to conduct interviews, field work and collection of data would be a breeze. Furthermore, my ad hoc experience with a telemarketing survey company equipped me with the necessary interpersonal skills for data collection. 

My exposure and knowledge in statistical software like R, SAS and SPSS set me apart from other potential applicants. Backed up with my proficiency in Microsoft Office, I am confident in delivering timely and reliable statistics for policy planning and analysis. I am also motivated to provide organized well- structured reports. These aligned me with the responsibilities that the job is looking for.

During my enrollment in university, I am actively involved in organizing and facilitating co-curricular activities (CCA). These include planning and executing of an overnight cross island night cycling and an amazing race where I demonstrated my strong sense of command and control, communication skills and ability to work well as a team player.  My sense of ruggedness is fortified with the experiences I have in my sport CCA where I am constantly challenge with unforeseen circumstances and intense pressure.

My work experiences in diversified environments put me at a different playing ground from other candidates.  It shaped me into a strong, motivated team player who is objective and passionate about continuous learning. My CCAs further developed my sense of discipline and ability to adapt to situations. It allow me to work well under pressure which I believe is a valuable characteristic for this job.

An opportunity to work with the client under Achieve Group would be an amazing journey for me to learn and excel. I sincerely hope you will look through my application meticulously and I look forward to a face-to-face interview to discuss further. I can be contacted via my cell (9XXX XXXX) or email (aXXXXXXX.nus.edu.sg) at your convenience.

Yours sincerely,

Ang Kok Liang, Jack


  1. hi jack!

    Your letter seems to have concrete, logical and well substantiated points. I also find it interesting and original.

    However, I may have some issues with correctness in your cover letter.
    1. 'I am currently an undergraduate in the National University of Singapore, perusing a degree in Bachelor of Science, majoring in statistics, and expecting to graduate in May 2014': I think there's a typo error here where 'pursuing' was spelled as 'perusing' instead.

    2. 'I believed that my experience in the outdoor sector will enhance my ability of dealing with people and stress': I don't think that it's necessary for you to use past tense here because I'm sure you still believe that your experience enhances your ability of dealing with people and stress, right? (:

    There are a few more grammatical errors here and there but I'm sure that with another round of proofreading, your cover letter is pretty good to go (:

    However, don't you think you're a little overqualified for the job which you're applying for since the job only requires a polytechnic diploma instead of a degree?

    Aside from that, good job! I enjoyed reading your thoughtful cover letter (:

  2. Hi Amira,

    Thank you for your feedback. I have done up the necessary changes.
    As for the job qualifications, I was hoping if they could be more lenient after reading my cover letter as I do not have 2 years of working experience.

  3. Hi Jack,
    I think you have done a good job in showing your skills to the employer. Your letter is also clear and well-structured but it can be improved with some fixing in grammar and use of words:

    1/ “which I believed is a valuable characteristic for this job -> I believe is… You may want to use present tense here

    2/ Also in the line “It allows me to work well..”, but the sentence above you use verb tense, maybe you may want to try for consistency in your verb tense.

    3/”motivated team player that is “ -> who is.

    I think the employer will see you are a well-qualified applicant for this job through this cover letter. I hope you will get the position you want.

  4. Hi Choung,

    Thank you for your kind feedback and I have made the necessary changes. I cannot believe that I actually miss out that part.


  5. Hello Jack!
    I enjoyed reading your cover letter. There were a few grammatical errors I spotted but I believe Chuong and Amira have covered them.

    Maybe you can consider reducing the number of paragraphs in your cover letter. You can try having your second paragraph center around the explicit skills needed for the job. For example, your computing skills and interpersonal skills. Your third paragraph can be about the soft skills you picked up in your CCAs that are not explicitly stated as necessary by the company.

    You can also try elaborating more about your computing skills and how it will benefit the company. For example, in terms of regression (very crucial for data analysis).

    All the best in your career! :D

    Leow Min Yu

  6. Thanks for this post.it is a nice post.i like this post very much.I think that Writing a solid job Applicants letter is one of the most important steps in obtaining a new job. In today’s tough employment market, a short, interesting job application letter is imperative in order to stand out from the competition.